Chaos

The first few weeks of my courses were filled with trepidation and self-doubt. As the weeks have flown by I find myself no longer concerned for myself and my abilities. What I am most concerned about is my in ability to absorb this information at a faster rate. Learning the new technologies accessible out there (Aurasma, Maya, Catch, The Traveler, etc.) necessitates being plugged in all the time and an enormous amount of energy. I look to the people who are mentoring me, their colleagues, and activists within the profession like Nina Simon of the Santa Cruz Museum and doubt not my abilities to learn. I find myself doubting if I have the energy and passion I see each person emulate. 

i need to understand the terms maya training is using. i need to figure out real questions to ask so my professors don't think i'm coasting. i need to sleep more. i need to sleep less. i need more time. i need more energy. don't forget to eat. don't eat too much. drink more water the brain needs moisture. take vitamins the brain needs them. eat salmon the brain needs those omega 3 fatties to work better. remember to breathe. don't freak out you'll get a migraine and loose time. remember to talk to professor about internship. can i help in mexico? will the local view me as a rich, white imperialist? I am a rich, white imperialist...how do i make sure to work for the local people and the honor of mexico and not let pride/american ideals encroach? how do i take what i'm learning and apply it to the ancient mediterranean? how do I connect with people in greece? do they have the money for this? how do I get money from the people who have it? i need to make sure i'm not getting ahead of myself. don't step on toes. don't say something stupid. led the professors lead you. don't let them stifle. don't stay in the antiquated. move quickly, move beyond. remember to eat. remember to sleep. make more money. get a tablet. have to save money to pay rent and feed dog. connect to people. don't withdrawal. make connections. talk to people. reach out. learn. learn. learn. inspire. inspire. inspire. pass it on to those around you. awareness. learn French. stay competitive. how can you change your field? will it get you a job. christ i have a lot of loans. make sure you find a job. find a husband. have a baby. why don't men have to worry about this. damned uterus. learn. focus. no babies right now. learn. change. develop. sleep. eat. coffee. water. learn. learn. learn...